Friday, March 8, 2013

Aaron Blog Tour with J.P. Barnaby




Why the Hell Do I Do This?

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks for authors in the M/M romance genre. On the heels of the GayRomLit announcement of a “must-have” author list came the pronouncement of a drastic decline in the quality of published M/M romantic fiction by JesseWave. For a while, I must admit, I considered trading in my dented author hard hat for a reader’s hat, one that might be more comfortable, and maybe even a better fit. With a demanding career, family, friends, and fitness on top of books, promotion, and publication, I had to ask myself – why the hell do I still do this?

I never had aspirations to become an author. In college, I majored in Physics and now write computer code for a living. It’s a far cry from those schooled in the art of storytelling. The whole thing started with a contest and blossomed from there. Eventually, I took that very short contest entry and added chapter after chapter of sexual fantasies. The story had no plot and no character development – nothing but sex. At the time, I knew nothing of structure, active voice, or even point of view. As I grew and my writing improved, it started to become more personal. Instead of using cardboard characters, I wrote about me. A House of Cards became my first critical success and I received a lot of feedback from readers about their own sexual abuse recovery and how they questioned their sexuality. With the Little Boy Lost series, my first traditionally published work, I poured out my feelings of loneliness and rejection—my desperate need to be accepted. Brian’s leap of faith at the end of Abandoned signified my own jump into the literary waters of publishers, reviewers, and all the other nuances of being an author. In my most recent release, Aaron is my seven-year-old self trying to cope with things no child should ever have to deal with. These books are everything that I am.

So, when I look back and ask myself why I persevere as people critique my soul, my only answer is that without me, guys like Ethan, Jamie, and Aaron wouldn’t have a voice. Their stories would never be told because they’re my stories too. My books are my journal and my therapy, but judging by my Amazon and Goodreads ratings, I have to think that they are reaching people. I receive emails, like this one, from sexual abuse victims who find hope and healing:

“I just finished House of Cards and I needed to email you and give you my utmost gratitude for writing this horrifyingly amazing story. Oxymoron I know, but how I feel. After I send this I am going to curl up with my pillow in my arms in the corner of bed against the wall and try to close the gaping wounds that your ending started to heal. […] Your story made me feel less alone and that maybe one day I too can find myself and my HEA.”

I also get emails from guys who identify with Brian and Jamie:

“Your books give young gay guys hope and strength to be who they are. I know if I would have read your books when I was a 19 year old, pre-out guy, I wouldn’t have tried to kill myself. Your book gave me hope that a regular guy like me from nowhere could find a guy and be happy. Maybe go through shit up to his ears and still come out on top.”

These are the people I write for. Emails like these are worth every challenge, every review, and every ego that I face. I make my dreams come true every day through my writing—both on page and in life because it teaches me that I am strong.


Aaron:
I can’t describe what it’s like to want to scream every minute of every day.

Two years after a terrifying night of pain destroyed his normal teenage existence, Aaron Downing still clings to the hope that one day, he will be a fully functional human being. But his life remains a constant string of nightmares, flashbacks, and fear. When, in his very first semester of college, he’s assigned Spencer Thomas as a partner for his programming project, Aaron decides that maybe “normal” is overrated. If he could just learn to control his fear, that could be enough for him to find his footing again.

With his parents’ talk of institutionalizing him—of sacrificing him for the sake of his brothers’ stability—Aaron becomes desperate to find a way to cope with his psychological damage or even fake normalcy. Can his new shrink control his own demons long enough to treat Aaron, or will he only deepen the damage?

Desperate to understand his attraction for Spencer, Aaron holds on to his sanity with both hands as it threatens to spin out of control.


About the Author:
Award winning romance novelist, J. P. Barnaby has penned over a dozen books including the Forbidden Room series, the Little Boy Lost series, and Aaron. As a bisexual woman, J.P. is a proud member of the GLBT community both online and in her small town on the outskirts of Chicago. A member of Mensa, she is described as brilliant but troubled, sweet but introverted, and talented but deviant. She spends her days writing software and her nights writing erotica, which is, of course, far more interesting. The spare time that she carves out between her career and her novels is spent reading about the concept of love, which, like some of her characters, she has never quite figured out for herself.

Find J.P. Barnaby:
Website | Twitter | Facebook

18 comments:

  1. Wonderful emails! You can't get higher praise than that really!
    And the blurb and cover for Aaron... W O W. Just wow. Hauntingly beautiful...

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    1. I know - when I saw Jake Bass the very first time, he was my Aaron. I'm very thankful to him, and to Cockyboys for allowing me to use the image.

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  2. I feel that way about teaching, sometimes, too. It can be a very thankless job, and it's easy to get caught up in the negatives. You're right to remind yourself that what you write and what you do DOES affect people in a positive way. Unlike teaching, however, your writing and your stories are something that ONLY YOU can do. No one else would've told Brian or Jamie or Aaron's story, so THANK YOU. And please, keep writing! I'm a big fan. :-)

    xoxo

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    1. I hope that it continues to affect people - reading is an emotional experience. :)

      Thank you so much for coming to check out the post! xoxo

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  3. Thank you so much for having me on your site!

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  4. thank you for writing this J.P. and thank you for sticking with it. I love to read what you write. You are an amazing author, and an amazing woman.

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    1. Thank you so much for coming to check out the post, and for your kind words. xo

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  5. Thanks for reminding all of us that what we do may seem thankless at times, but it is entirely worthwhile! -Shira

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    1. I think it depends on who you listen to as to whether or not our job is thankless. :)

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  6. J.P.- That's exactly it.If I know I am touching someone in some way - even people who've told me that they cried over someone's grief, then I'm happy. I can feel good about what I'm doing. The first time I wrote grief was my therapy after my mom's death and I had so many people tell me how that story touched them. It really does make it worthwhile.

    Excellent post. :)

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    1. Thank you, Grace. :) For me, the vest best books that I read are the ones I find the most real. By writing our own triumphs and failures - that makes our work have substance.

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  7. I think the review blogs have gotten so full of themselves they no longer smell their own stink.

    It's worthwhile because you have to tell those stories, and they are obviously touching people. Keep on going and stay upwind of the stink.

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    1. Just like with anything else in life, I think some review blogs do it very well, and some may not. I've never had a problem with JesseWave, I've always been reviewed very well by the site, but the post just hit me at a bad time.

      Thank you so much for coming to check out the post. :)

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  8. Thank you, I needed to read this. I've been unable to write for a couple of weeks, and partially it's me being butt-hurt. However I can pull up my big girl panties. You provided a good cold shower, JP. The reason I write is because I have something to 'say'. You have something to say and as a reader, I listen. I know people do the same for me. Time to get talking again.

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    1. I know how that feels. I just looked at all of my WIPs and asked - Jesus, is this one going to be the next one up for fodder? My skin has to be thicker than that if I want to survive this genre. And in my life, I've learned one lesson very well - I am a survivor.

      Thanks, Sue for coming to check out the post. I'm really glad it helps. xo

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  9. Thought provoking post that reminds us all of why we do this. And that is just the people who do take the time/find the courage to email us to let us know. For all who do, there's probably many more who don't.

    Keep writing.

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    1. That's very true - I'm sure there are a lot of people who are afraid to approach us. I think social media and conferences have gone a long way to making us more accessible, and I hope people continue to take advantage of that.

      Thank you for coming to check out the post. :)

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  10. I have some favorite authors that maybe don't write so well, but their stories mean something to me. I have other favs that are just stellar writers and they are extremely important to me. Different things give different meanings to different people. As long as the book speaks to me, I'm going to read it. There are some books/series that "everyone" just loves and praise and I can't stand them. Doesn't make me wrong or their books not important; it just is. As long as I can tell the writer has put a some small bit of themselves in the story in some small way, that makes it important. Thank you for writing. Thanks to all the authors for writing. You put your souls out there for public consumption and that is an extremely brave thing to do.

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